Life is happening. You’re bathing the kids. Trimming the cat’s nails. Making play dates for kids, coffee dates with friends, and hiring a babysitter so you can get that elusive date night with the hubby. You’re planning vacations. The holidays are approaching since you’re seeing Halloween costumes in the stores. You’re thankful for the cool summer and wonder if the heat will return or you’ll soon be ushered into a crisp Fall season.
But in the back of your mind, you’re wondering when the heck you’ll be back to your “regular” self. It’s been months since you’ve had a normal cycle. The mood swings are so bad that Prozac seemed the best choice. And the near-constant level of “uncomfortable” you’ve ever experienced, even during pregnancy, is driving you bananas. So chilly that you have goose bumps, then you’re sweating as though it’s 100 degrees inside your house. Nope. Still a cool 78.
You hear others complain of the bad humidity this season and think to yourself, “Yep, that must be it. I’m just once again so thankful I don’t live in Florida. Or Texas. Or anywhere else EAST of here!”
The sweats creep into the nights and now that your children are both sleeping solid through the night and you can finally get that long-awaited good night’s rest on a continuous basis all to yourself – you can’t. Wacky dreams persist. The second you shift you break out into a sweat. The chills race in and you try to fight it mentally to fall back to some sort of restful state. Impossible.
You’ve decided to let your hair stay in it’s “natural” state. AKA: messy. You tell people you need less heat on your hair because it was starting to look dry and damaged, it’s getting longer anyways and this is the way you normally wear it when it’s longer, it’s easier to get ready in the mornings because of the kids…you know…
But in truth, it’s because you can’t fathom even 30 seconds of additional heat on your already sweat-soaked skin. The idea of blow-drying for 5 minutes, then enduring another 5 minutes of flat-ironing every single strand makes you want to drive out to Costco and stand in that lovely walk-in refrigerator that keeps those fruits and veggies nice and cool.
Your quickest relief to comfort has become this.
Life is happening. You knew it was coming. Your mother was exactly this age when it happened to her. But she had 2 kids who had already graduated high school at this point. She had half her life still to live and figure it out without having to raise little ones. She had challenges you can’t relate to and vice versa.
And then the doctor calls. In the deepest regions of your soul you are hoping that the irregular cycles, the nausea, the headaches, even the sweating is all because “Surprise! You’re Pregnant!”
But instead she confirms what you were already suspicious of for awhile now. You’re thyroid is normal. But your FSH levels are at 72. That’s premature ovarian failure. You’ve begun your journey into
menopause
You need to be sure and get 1000 milligrams of calcium a day because you are at risk for osteoporosis. Vitamin D is important as well. Exercise as often as you can. Birth control pills are your best option for controlling your cycle and keeping the hot flashes at bay.
*click*
The children are napping so the tears come quickly and easily. But only for a minute or so. Then the peace descends. Why the tears? You are blessed beyond abundance in this short life already. And two of those incredible blessings are blissfully sleeping, challenging and growing you quicker than anything or anyone else has in your life. Your life is in God’s hands, ready to do His will. You have sensed Him preparing you for something for awhile now, placing people and resources in your path along the way. He knew full-well what you would need at this moment in your life and you are not lacking in any way.
You have a husband who adores you, ready to go in any direction God wills for your lives. You have friends beyond abundance who love you, support you, encourage you. You have a mentor in your life that you have prayed for ever since you stepped foot into your new land and she is ready and waiting to walk this journey with you. You have a family who cherishes you, supports you in your motherhood, and that most people only dream about.
Life is happening.
“The obstacles of life cannot stand against the power of God’s river of peace…Peace is submission to a trustworthy Authority, not resignation from activity…Peace comes from an active, ongoing, and obedient relationship with the Prince of Peace…peace like a river flows from a continuous connection with the upland Source, Jesus Christ, and is a timely reminder that this life will ultimately spill out into a glorious eternal life.”
“Living Free”, by Beth Moore
This may not be your life. But this is mine. Right now. Life is happening and I pray that God will be glorified through it all.
Oh Vicki,
I’m so sorry to hear this, as I recall the conversations about future children, etc. But what a blessing to know, instead of wondering what is happening and how to deal with it. I remember being so glad I was here in Oregon and not in California because whenever I had a hot flash while getting ready in the morning, I could just step outside and immediately feel coldness on my face. Or at work, I had my work space right next to a door, so I could just open it and feel the wonderful cold coming in. ‘Course, the students thought I was weird.
Buy yourself a couple of those cute little 6-inch fans from WalMart or Target that you can keep in your bathroom, by the bedside. Believe me, air blowing in your face makes a big difference. Dress in layers, even in winter. No more turtlenecks or pullover sweaters. In fact, I’m just now able to wear sweaters, but still can’t handle turtlenecks. Scarves work because they’re there when you need them and easily removed when you don’t.
Start using something like Bare Escentuals make-up that is like a powder, because it is amazingly light and just stays there, doesn’t feel greasy and doesn’t run when you have a major flash. It lets your skin breath more. Short hair works. Walking is amazing. You can try all the over the counter stuff, but nothing worked for me and just cost more because insurance didn’t cover it. Hormones were the only thing that worked to take it all away.
Praise the Lord for friends you can share with. Use them! The more you stay active, the better, emotionally. Stay away from being too introspective or analytical, very hard on you and the family.
I love you – what an interesting way to feel bonded, eh?
Blessings~
mom
You are such a good writer! Thank you. I guess you and I are going through some of the same things. Glad that we can commiserate together:) Love you bunches!
Stay strong, my friend. Remember, that just as He has done for all of the saints before you, God knows what your future holds and although He does not promise a life free from pain or hardship, He promises to be by your side and hold your hand. Jesus stood beside Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego when they were thrown into the furnace. They stepped out of the fire with only the ropes that bound them being burned. They didn’t even SMELL OF SMOKE!! Sometimes this is our lot…sometimes we must go through the fire so that we can escape it unscathed. So that we can show others the wonderous God we serve. I pray that as you go through this “fire”, you will escape not even smelling of smoke. You are strong, my friend. He knows that you are….He will not leave you. And neither will I.
I too thank you for such an honest and beautiful account of your journey into menopause. You are so strong and have such great faith! I trust and pray that His peace will continue to descend and envelop you in this new phase of life.
thinking of you my friend. great post, the post and the comments made me tear up!