1. dispersed; disorganized: scattered forces.
2. distracted or disorganized: scattered thoughts.
1. the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.
2. an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal
3. determination; resoluteness.
There was a time in my life that “scattered” defined me. It was the year 2000. That was the year I turned 30. It was also the year I began taking Prozac and seeing a counselor.
While I don’t believe I need to return to Prozac, I do recognize the inner angst that I need to do something about feeling scattered. And the biggest reason I need to do something about it is because I also have an inner drive to know my purpose. Because I believe I was created by someONE, not someTHING or some CIRCUMSTANCE, then I was created for a purpose.
Part of why I feel scattered is because it’s simply the nature of “mommyhood”. I have to believe I am not the only mother who struggles with balancing what I want to do for my children, what I want to do for myself and what actually needs to be done versus what is done.
Thus, SCATTERED is the emotion that rises up in me. And this is when I need to remember my PURPOSE.
- That I have a Creator who desires all of me.
- That I have a husband who desires my love, my affection, my friendship, my cooking (really, he does!).
- That I have children who desire my touch, my voice, my laughter, my smile, my love, my protection.
- That I have an extended family who desire my love, my encouragement, my memories, my laughter.
- And that I have friends who desire my company, my encouragement, my wisdom (sometimes), my laughter, my home for playdates and board meetings. 😉
I am thankful for my CHURCH, where I feel a sense of purpose when I help out with various duties, when I worship among other believers, when I laugh, cry, share with other women.
I am thankful for my FAMILY, where I feel a sense of purpose when my children can see their cousins face to face and know them well, when my husband can see his brother and goof around with each him because they are also friends, when I can see my brother and yuck it up over funny events in our daily lives, when I can see my children with their ever-loving grandparents and my heart bursts with gratefulness at the family my children get to experience.
I am thankful for my FRIENDS, both worldwide and right at home in my local MOMS Club where I feel a sense of purpose when I can share in the highs and lows of their daily lives, when I can share in their dreams and failures, when I can pray for them and their loved ones, when I can encourage a discouraged mom, when I can help meet a club goal, when I can de-stress / vent my mommy-hood difficulties at the moment and not be rejected because of them, when I can come alongside other mom’s and create a fun and safe atmosphere for my children and their friends.
My purpose is so much more than my scattered feelings. I need to remember this truth when those feelings start to overwhelm me, as though scattered is all that I am.