See, here’s the thing. I really don’t have time for this. I have a life to live. I have kids to raise. I have a husband to love. I have a home to (ahem) keep clean. I have friendships to tend to. I have pictures to take. I have nails to trim (kids and the cat). I have food to cook. I have women to minister to. I have a newsletter to edit. I have registrations to keep organized. I have books to read. I have coffee dates, girl’s night out, date nights, Bible studies, laundry, playdates, gym time, movies to watch, worship service, schools to research, vacations to plan.

I   D O   N O T   H A V E   T I M E   F O R   T H I S

I think that’s what is bugging me more than anything about this whole menopause journey, for now anyways. When I sit in my doctor’s office and I hear her throw all kinds of new medical jargon at me, I realize I have some “research” to do when I get home. You know, in ALL my SPARE TIME. Like, when I have a few moments to myself, I’m going to want to spend some time looking up terms like “Fragile X” and “osteoporosis”, (which, by the way, I haven’t done yet.)

I need to make a decision and I feel like it’s come down to just picking “this hand or that.” Which do I want to put myself at greater risk for? This Hand: Osteoporosis OR That Hand: Breast Cancer? Hmm, let me pick this one, doctor. Whew, now I can take this pill every day and feel rest assured that my bones won’t be brittle in 10 years but I may have to start chemo for the cancer.

Don’t get me wrong. I really really love my healthcare in this funky little town. I mean, it is the best I have ever experienced and I am so incredibly grateful for the care and attention I have received in the 3 years we have lived here. I am thankful that I have a doctor who cares enough to order tests of all kinds and who wants to make sure I understand all of my options thoroughly before I make a decision.

I just want to have my coffee dates and not have to wonder if the caffeine (even in the decaf) is harming me so much more than the girl who isn’t in perimenopause. I just want to do the laundry and clean my kitchen floor without having to change clothes afterwards. I just want to take a multi-vitamin instead of the 6 vitamins I have to take every night. (Seriously, what shouts OLD louder than having a bunch of pills crowding around your glass of chocolate soy milk?)

But, it’s the hand I’ve been dealt. And I’m a believer in the Hand that leads me. This is the path I’m to journey down right now, not 15 years from now. I trust that wisdom will be mine to choose the best option when I have the information in front of me. I trust that my new “way of life” will get easier as time goes by. And I know there will be humor in the midst of it. And boy am I lookin’ forward to that!