2:15am – I hear L wake up, rock him for a bit, lay with him in his bed for 45 minutes
4am – I’m still not asleep; thankfully everyone else is
5am – L wakes up and is in our bed
5:30am – D is awake and is in our bed
6:30am – up for the day with 2 high-energy boys
9am – leave for the library; all is quiet until check-out time; I have to hold L as he screams his head off…in the library
10am – arrive at Target; L’s screaming begins again
10:15am – L’s screaming continues, regardless of my insistence otherwise, regardless of me holding him, letting him walk, giving him something to drink, letting him play with the toys – loud, obnoxious screaming
10:30am – escaping Target with the tears on the rims of my eyes and my head desperately trying to convince my heart to not be concerned at the stares of other adults, the laughter of the teenage girls
10:45am – a phone call to a friend after letting the tears loose while sitting in the car with 2 boys, 1 of whom is finally quiet with a blanket stuffed in his mouth
Encouragement and counsel received. Deep breath taken. An apology to D that the trip to Costco will have to wait. Time to get food and go home, where the chaos will undoubtedly continue but without the stares of others.
11am – turn car on, hear this on the radio, more tears flow
God loves a lullaby
In a mother’s tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
Better than a church bell ringing
Better than a choir singing out, singing out
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
11:15am – driving to get food, parked at a drive-thru window, L’s screaming begins again and then I hear “Strong Enough” by Matthew West.
You must, You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through
Well forgive me
Forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
Strong enough
One day at a time. One hour at a time. One moment at a time.
Thankful for friends. Thankful for my boys. Thankful that I don’t have to find the strength “inside” myself somewhere.
Thankful that my living, loving God cares for me in everything I do, even in my moments of frustration and weakness.
In the Land of Ridd 
Such a heartfelt, honest post from a mother’s heart. Love how God uses songs to speak to us in the midst of things. Those are great songs by the way, especially like the Matthew West one.
Oh, wowza, what a challenge you had that day! I hope things are better, and I’m so glad those songs came on at exactly the right moment for you. God is good!