excerpt from my journal entry dated July 8, 2011

I finally made the call this morning. I’m not sure what finally convinced me to do so, but it’s done. I went ahead and ordered the birth control pills, praying and hoping that my emotions, weight gain, headaches and hot flashes will soon dissipate, preferably before we go on our big trip to the mid-west in August!

I want to have confidence in the “natural” supplements I’m taking, the “natural” progesterone cream I’m using, the diet changes, the exercise changes. The problem is there really is no way to know what part of that is working, what part isn’t working, and worse – what part might be doing more harm than good, most especially the progesterone cream. One quick look online and the “risks” of not doing it exactly “right” can cause some serious issues down the road.

I am sweating at nearly every turn. I’m not able to get adequate sleep, even when my children are resting. I’m not able to keep my emotions in check, most especially around my boys. I’m not able to focus on the many responsibilities that face me each day. I’ve heard the term “brain fog” as a symptom of menopause and that describes it perfectly for me!

I am choosing to look UP today rather than at my circumstances, at the chaos in my home, at the “what isn’t” in my life and instead to look at the “what is.”

I cling to Psalm 27:14 in times such as these:

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

Today I am thankful for the blue sky and the beauty of the trees I get to see out of my dining room window. I am so very thankful for my children, even when I am in the midst of throwing my hands in the air when I don’t know what to do. I am thankful for our home, in all it’s quirkiness and “charm.” I am thankful for the abundant support and encouragement I have in my life, from my husband, my family and my friends.

Today I am praying for my newly-engaged friend and the adventures that lay before her in the years to come. I am praying for a friend in her intense battle against the stomach cancer that is threatening her very life. I am praying for her husband and their 2 precious daughters as they journey this storm alongside her. I am praying for my friend who’s husband needs a better-paying job so they can get health insurance, put healthier food on the table for their 2 young sons and save for a home.

 

HOPE

 

It’s a powerful word and one that resonates strongly with me today.

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