It started with “Organize.” But that sounded too task-oriented.
Then it shifted to “Focus” which later became “Diligent.“ Nah, too harsh and I would easily have plenty of moments in the year that I could not focus on being diligent!
“Mindful” followed soon after, but that sounded too similar to last year’s WOTY, “Purposeful.”
I finally stopped thinking about choosing only one word for a few days and instead centered my mind on the purpose of the word I was choosing.
I knew that the words I had been considering were all necessary for what I desire for the year to come.
I do need to get organized, or at least come up with a way to stay organized. Now that D is in school, there are a lot more things to keep track of. There are therapy appointments to schedule and plan for, fundraisers, preschool plans for D. I have doctor appointments to schedule as I enter into the world of hormone replacement therapy (joy). More importantly, there is an incredible amount of information that I am going to need at a moment’s notice if this is the year that we’ll receive our first foster child placement. I can screw up my own kid’s schedules and not sweat it too much, but I need to be on the ball big-time when things like visitations and doctor appointments come about for the child placed in our care.
I do need to focus more and to be diligent in not just letting my mind wander when I have downtime to myself. The older I get (*cough*) the more I’m finding that I don’t want to be wasteful with the precious hours given to me. I want to spend more of my downtime strengthening my mind and heart with Godly wisdom rather than feeding on what the world would choose to scream at me in those moments.
I do need to practice being mindful, most especially around my boys. I want them to know I’m listening to them when they’re speaking and communicating with me.
And that’s how it all led to choosing “Attentive” as my word of the year for 2012.
This year I turn 40 years old, and I still feel “weak” when it comes to knowing God; I don’t want to just know about God. I feel like I have said “I don’t know” more times this past year than ever before. It’s not that I think being attentive to God is going to mean that I’ll have a crystal clear picture of what lays ahead for me and my family. But I know from experience that the more I spend time with someone, communicating with them, sharing life with them, that I get to know them better. Spending time with them gives me a sense of security about being with them, almost getting to the point that I can “know” what to expect from them.
I want my children to see that Mommy has peace and security in the direction we are going as a family not just because I’ve lived enough years and made enough mistakes to know the better path but because I listened when God spoke to me. I stopped “doing” and started listening, choosing to abide in God’s presence rather than just physically “be” in church and amongst other believers.
I fully believe that God has a plan for all of us, both individually and with those we are joined in life together with. My desire for this year is a richer experience in my relationship with the living God.
Have you chosen a word for the year? Do you have a desire or a goal to focus on for the year to come?